How to Recover from a Toxic Job

You’ve made the bold decision to say goodbye to a toxic workplace. Now you deserve to regain your confidence and leave behind the baggage of a negative environment. In this article, the author offers strategies to help you heal, move forward, and thrive in your new role: 1) find closure, 2) take control of what you can, 3) plan Trigger one and 4) enjoy the positive moments. With patience and self-compassion, you can rise up and become more resilient than ever.

It’s no secret that today’s professionals seek environments where they can thrive mentally and emotionally. Workers are now less tolerant of hostile treatment, poor communication, and office drama. A recent study by MIT’s Sloan School of Management found that a toxic work culture is the number one reason people leave their jobs and is 10.4 times more likely to contribute to turnover than compensation.

Escape the rush of stress that comes from working in a dysfunctional situation can be a boon to your well-being. However, it can be difficult to fully let go of the effects of a toxic workplace. In my work as an executive coach, I have seen countless intelligent, capable professionals struggle to recover from the unpredictable fear mongering and even bullying they have endured. They sometimes bring extreme alertness and reactivity to their next role, affecting their performance and fun.

Take Gerald, who has been in his new role as a project manager at a software company for three months. His first 90 days had been successful in every way. He had introduced new, much-needed processes and established positive relationships with key stakeholders. Despite these results, Gerald couldn’t shake a feeling of unease towards his new manager. He told me, “I’m scarred from my last role. I had to be extremely careful with my words to avoid them being twisted and used against me by my boss. I could never address difficult issues without him exploding.”

It was clear that Gerald’s past experiences in a toxic workplace had left their mark. And he’s not alone. Workplace trauma is a real and little-discussed problem—one that matters more given high employee burnout and turnover rates. It can arise from a variety of harmful behaviors, from verbal harassment or social isolation to racism and job insecurity. A technology strategist summarized the everyday experience of living with trauma at work by saying, “Has anyone ever had toxic post-traumatic stress disorder at work? For example, does the ringtone on an incoming email remind you of your “fight, flight, or freeze response”? Just me?”

You’ve already done the hardest part: making the bold decision to say goodbye to a toxic workplace. Now you deserve to regain your confidence and leave behind the baggage of a negative environment. Here’s how to heal, thrive, and thrive in your new role.

find closure.

You may harbor resentment towards those who have abused you. Or maybe you replay situations and conversations over and over in your head, wondering what you could have done or said differently. This kind of brooding is common and understandable. The brain hates ambiguity and will try to find answers to wrongdoing even if it doesn’t benefit us.

The need for cognitive closure is strong and can help us find acceptance that allows us to move on from what is finished to something new. For example, Gerald was still angry at his former boss for not being appreciated and would attack Gerald whenever he tried to be helpful. Gerald realized that he would never get an apology from his boss and didn’t need one. Instead, he had to forgive and express appreciation for it even. I asked Gerald to write a letter to his former self acknowledging that he was bringing out the best in himself with the tools, knowledge and experience he had then, in what turned out to be a powerful self-healing exercise.

Moving away from a job — toxic or not — is a loss, so give yourself space to grieve. Consider a deliverance ritual, such as For example, writing a suicide note (which you don’t send), archiving or deleting your work files, or shredding old documents.

Take control of what you can.

No one ever deserves to be unfairly treated, bullied, or abused, but self-blame is a common response to trauma. Maybe you’re busy with what-if questions (What if I spoke earlier?) or ashamed of the treatment you have endured. Self-compassion goes a long way to rebuilding your self-confidence, as does reclaiming your strength through constructive action that builds your sense of self.

Let’s say in your last role you were expected to be available 24/7. Beating yourself up for being a pushover isn’t productive. After all, your previous employer is responsible for maintaining an “always-on” environment and assigning an overwhelming workload. It’s far more useful to direct your energies into improving your assertiveness so you can speak up if you feel a project isn’t achievable or sustainable in your new role. Use what you learned from your last role by clearly communicating your boundaries and expectations.

Plan for triggers.

In your new job, be aware of situations that seem familiar because they bring you back to old stress reactions. Identifying specific situations that are likely to trigger you emotionally can give you the strength to create a plan to deal with them. Frequent triggers are exclusion, helplessness or perceived rejection.

Gerald’s history with a bullying boss meant he was particularly nervous about one-on-ones with his new manager. Connecting these dots allowed Gerald to calm his nervous system with a few deep breaths ahead of time. He also developed the habit of observing the stories he told for himself. When his boss didn’t give him positive feedback, he initially thought: “Here we are again. This is just like my last job. My manager doesn’t like me.” Gerald learned to recognize this unhelpful inner conversation trail and to judge their relationship on its own merits without projecting the past.

Enjoy the positive moments.

The brain is always alert for possible danger, but this is especially true after trauma. Because of this, you can anticipate potential slights, criticism, and threats, even after you have assumed a new role in a safer environment. You can rewire this tendency through savoring, a psychological technique that involves turning positive, fleeting moments into positive experiences and beliefs. Pleasure has been shown to increase happiness, contentment, and self-efficacy.

Here are a few practices you can try:

• positive memory. Spend 10 minutes a day reflecting on thoughts and emotions associated with a pleasant moment.
• three good things. Write down three positive events each day and think about why they happened.
• Share with others. Create a daily practice of relating “daily highs” to a colleague or loved one.
• self-congratulation. Enjoy moments of strength and times throughout the day when you exercised your strengths.
• Positive imagination. Thinking about the next day and imagining in detail all the good things that could happen.

Finally, once you’ve built confidence in your new job, consider opening up to others. Everyone will feel differently comfortable about disclosure, but talking about your past experiences can be an important healing step for some.

Above all, take care of yourself. Adjusting to a new job can be stressful under the best of circumstances, let alone when recovering from the effects of a toxic work environment. With patience and self-compassion, you can rise up and become more resilient than ever.