Many people come to therapy when their lying habit becomes compulsive. You can say things like:
- “I started lying, even when it wasn’t necessary. Why do I do this?”
- “Even if I haven’t done anything wrong or offensive, lying always seems like a safer option. How do I get over it?”
- “Whenever people confront me about my lies, I have no answer. Am I just a horrible person?”
There can be endless reasons for a lying habit, and many of them have nothing to do with your character. It could be an inappropriate coping mechanism, a self-soothing technique, or simply an unconscious pattern of behavior.
Therefore, self-awareness can be a more effective tool to combat compulsive lying than self-control. Here are three research-backed steps to get to the bottom of your lying habit.
#1. Reduce the shame
Being inauthentic or misleading can be a strain on the person who is lying. Not only do you have to worry about keeping the lies consistent, you also have to deal with the shame of lying in the first place. Sure, there are some personality types who may not feel shame the way most of us do (e.g., antisocial personalities), but these types of people are the exceptions. Most of us cannot justify ourselves to get out of the negative feelings that are fueled when we lie.
A study published in Personality and Psychology Bulletin explains how keeping secrets can lead to rumination and negative mental health consequences. Lying and concealing come at a great cost to you – it’s a burden on your shoulders that can only be shaken off by getting in.
While it may seem daunting to admit all of your lies, accepting that you may have a lying problem can be an effective first step. Shame and guilt can keep you from asking for help or even admitting you have a problem.
Once you realize the existence of the problem, you can look at it more objectively, which leads to the next step:
#2. Understand the root
It’s very likely that your habit of lying is a symptom of an entirely different problem. You can start following the trail of your lies to get to your triggers. Here are some questions you can ask yourself:
- Are there certain topics that you want to stay away from and that force you to lie?
- Can you just not remember certain details and lie to fill in the gaps in a story?
- Do you lie to please people?
- Do you lie to protect your self-esteem?
You may not get a straight answer right away, but this process will help you recognize lying as a manifestation of a deeper problem rather than a character flaw. Your lying habit could be for self-protection. Or you may have learned it from a role model early in life.
Studies published over the years explain compulsive lying as a by-product of the constant concealment of another compulsive problem—such as a gambling, drug, or shopping addiction. One article makes connections between excessive lying and borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, delusional thinking, and others.
It is always helpful to consult a psychologist as they can help you determine if your lying can be treated through basic habit-changing interventions or if other factors need to be addressed.
#3. Practice, practice, practice
Once you have accepted and explored the root of your lying problem, you can try making small changes in the way you think and act. That way, you may be able to avoid your triggers and catch yourself in the moments giving in to them.
Some mind exercises that can help with excessive lying are:
- Remind yourself of the consequences of your lies on your relationships, personal and professional life.
- When you think how much less stressful life will be when you say what you mean.
Here are two behavioral changes you can make alongside the mind exercises:
- If telling the truth is too much, take a notebook and write it down. You can even text a third party unrelated to the triggering situation and tell them what you think. This creates a window of time in which you can decide how and when you want to tell the truth.
- Pick an area of your life where you want to be more honest, such as: B. at work, and focus on being fully transparent there. Remember, you won’t change every habit overnight. Do the trip one day at a time.
Research shows that cognitive behavioral exercises and therapy are effective in breaking habits of lying.
Diploma
Living authentically is one of the cornerstones of happiness. While little lies may occasionally benefit you, their usefulness is short-lived. Honesty is always the best guideline – it will help you find a deeper level of fulfillment in your life and relationships.
