How to build a healthy relationship with roomates(s)
For the majority of people living on campus, this is the first time they have shared a space with others unrelated to us. It’s exciting to possibly meet your best friends, or possibly harrowing not to get along.
What I refer to as the roommate “honeymoon” phase is coming to an end. No longer does everyone go out and have fun, but everyone recognizes each other’s faults.
Confrontation can be intimidating. But if you live with that person or people for the next eight months, you need to set some boundaries.
I’ve had my fair share of disasters and successes with roommates. To maximize your quality of life or even survive, here are my recommendations.
- Get to know your roommates’ schedules and maximize alone time
If you’re like me, I need to be alone for about an hour a day. Social activity is exhausting for me, and it’s nice to have a moment to myself. I recommend asking your roommates about their weekly schedules, including classes, work, and activities. You will definitely find 30 lonely minutes. I would take my time sleeping, reading, or not wearing pants. Your roommates probably want some alone time, too.
- If you live on campus, be specific in your roommate agreement and have a copy
I know this is crazy, but it’s proof. The details can come in a clutch later as proof. For example, anyone can misinterpret “clean up after yourself”. It may or may not apply to anything, including the ugly. You can make agreements like “tidy up after eating, wash the dishes regularly or don’t leave food out for long” all the more precisely.
In my experience, not having a roommate agreement can hurt, and when you have nothing to fall back on, it’s hard to draw boundaries.
- Communicate (but be specific)
Getting your roommate’s numbers is easy, but expressing your feelings? creepy stuff It’s cumbersome but necessary. I find that people are receptive to a reminder to leave dirty dishes out or put things away.
What you don’t want is for frustrated feelings to boil over and unleash at an inconvenient time. Timing is also crucial for productive communication. Just before bed might be problematic, but together at dinner, nice. If you’re all busy, it’s also a good idea to set a specific check-in time.
If you have any type of relationship with your roommate, consider interacting with more than one line: “Have a nice day.” Go in at a slow pace. Everyone opens up differently, don’t worry about the lack of an instant connection. I find that a five minute conversation about our days can create a sense of closeness.
It’s an advantage to know vaguely about your roommate. I haven’t seen mine for about a week to find out she moved out early. If possible, avoid moments of surprise.
If you want more from your roommates, then hold yourself to the same standards. If you’re upset that your roommate didn’t pick up their dishes, make sure you do your bit, too. Your roommate might also be nervous about facing the situation.
Even nice gestures go a long way. When they do something for the room, they usually do something nice.
You and your roommates don’t have to be best friends. It’s not realistic that the strangers you live with are 100% compatible with you. However, living with people is a life skill. The next eight months should be memorable for all the right reasons.
Connect with Nadia Carolina Hernandez: @naddivz | [email protected]