How to build Emotional Agility – The Brock Press
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Alejandro Vasquez Coronado
Emotional agility combines a set of practices, such as mindfulness and emotional intelligence, that help one either change or improve behaviors that align with the values in their lifestyle.
Susan David, Ph.D. is an award-winning Harvard Medical School psychologist who wrote the book Emotional Agility: Let go, embrace change, and thrive in work and life. She has a TED talk that gift and power of emotional courage, where she talks about ideas similar to her book.
The connection between emotional agility and mindfulness comes in the form of presence. Seeing your emotions and the environment around you as they are gives you a realistic perspective, not a distorted one, when the focus is on the past or the future. This is not to say that we ignore the past and the future; We can learn from past mistakes and stay motivated by future ideas, but there has to be a balance. David calls this mental contrasting, which is believing that you can achieve the goals you set for yourself while being aware of the obstacles that may arise.
The connection with emotional intelligence is that the process of emotional agility is not about ignoring difficult emotions, but about accepting them and moving towards your goal. Awareness and understanding of one’s emotions are essential when it comes to our actions and decision-making.
In her book, David says, “No matter how certain we are of the best course of action, the world is always changing and circumstances are unpredictable.” This is a great reminder that not everything is in our control. An ever-changing world means everyone makes ineffective decisions from time to time, another great reminder that it’s okay to make mistakes. David then explains that even if the choice turns out to be wrong, there is comfort in knowing the decision was made for the right reasons.
This concept is based on the idea that strong values lead to better decision-making. Finding these values reduces unconscious stereotypes and beliefs that could interfere with the ability to face challenges.
David provides some questions to help you find your values: an introspection about what you think is important, what kind of relationships you want to form, and what situations make you feel best. These, in turn, emphasize the importance and benefits of understanding oneself. Being aware and having that emotional agility leads to better decision making and ultimately a better life.
David says: “Acceptance is a prerequisite for change. That means giving permission for the world to be as it is, because only when we stop trying to control the universe do we make peace with it.” This takes a lot of pressure off, because acceptance reduces perfectionism and leads to it more fun at work.
Ultimately, the goal of emotional agility is to increase awareness not only of oneself but also of the environment around us, leading to better value-based decision-making. A balance between realism and optimism can lead to better outcomes, even if we make wrong choices from time to time. As David says, “One of the greatest human triumphs is to make room in our hearts for both joy and pain, and to reconcile being uncomfortable.”