How to divorce a missing spouse
Q: My husband moved out four years ago. He wanted to get a job in Virginia and I didn’t want to move. We made an agreement before the wedding to keep everything separate at my parents’ insistence because one day I will have an inheritance. We never had children.
When he first started, he came back to me every weekend and we took many vacations together. That stopped during the pandemic when there were interstate travel restrictions, and we never resumed that long-distance service when things reopened. I met someone new a year ago and I want to divorce my husband. I have emailed him and he never replies. When I called him, I found that his phone was off.
Can you get divorced if he doesn’t cooperate? I was hoping we could just file an uncontested proposal but I don’t know how I can’t reach him or if it’s even possible to get a divorce since he lives out of state.
A: It is possible to get divorced here even if he lives somewhere else. It is not possible to file for an uncontested divorce if you cannot find him. But the process is still fairly easy, albeit with more waiting time than if you could find and cooperate.
First you need to file a lawsuit for divorce. For his address, state that he lives in “parts unknown at this time” and record his last known address on the form. In the facilitation portion of your complaint, state that you wish to obtain a divorce and refer to the existence of your prenuptial agreement. Once you have completed the forms, you must submit an application for alternative service. In your application, explain that you tried to email and call and found his phone is disconnected and he’s not responding to emails. If they have a social media account, ask permission to service them via email, publication in a local newspaper where they last lived, and direct message on social media.
Once you receive the order, serve it in the manner directed by the judge and file an affidavit certifying your compliance with the alternative service order, including evidence of teardrops from any publications and copies of emails and/or social media media messages. After you have filed your proof of service with the court, ask the court to schedule a pre-trial meeting and notify them of the date of the pre-trial meeting in the same manner that you notified the actual divorce. The pre-trial meeting can be held six months after the divorce filing.
If he does not appear at the pretrial hearing, you can ask the judge at that hearing to grant your divorce because he did not appear and did not participate in the proceedings. The judge can divorce you that day.
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