How to Get Over a Breakup, According to Mental Health Experts

They say time heals all wounds, but for someone dealing with a broken heart, it feels like time is passing too slowly to get the job done. Unfortunately for those looking for tips on how to overcome a breakup, experts stick to the time-honoured mantra that you need a little distance from the end of your relationship before you feel relieved. But there are ways to heal faster.

The good news is here are a few things you can do in the meantime (and they don’t include waiting for the calendar to change).

Whether you’re fresh out of a relationship and looking for ways to get over a breakup quickly, or you’re wondering how long it takes to get over a breakup (even if the relationship ended a while ago), that’s what experts say you need to know how to overcome conscious decoupling.

How long does it take to process a breakup?

No two relationships are the same, which is why Kelly Rabenstein, psychologist and author of Psychological Secrets To Emotional Success (It’s All About Love) Says every time we fall in love the fall out being hit is different. “Obviously, we fall deeper into some relationships than others, which leads to more difficult breakups,” she says, adding that connecting parts of ourselves to another person can cause “deep pain.”

Because of this, it may be easier to get over someone you haven’t had as much contact with. With those major heart pains, you might have to wait a little longer for your heart to feel like it’s getting better. “There is no magic formula,” she says. “We’d like to think that we can wait a while and suddenly be ‘over it.’ The heart, however, is an impermanent entity.”

Speaking of time, the length of your relationship can also play a role in your post-breakup recovery. “It really depends on how long the couple was together, but also how it ended,” says Lee Phillips, psychotherapist and board-certified sex and couples therapist. “I think it also depends on the grieving process. People tend to go through a whirlwind of emotions. Anything from anger to sadness.”

Some heartaches take longer to heal

Just as not all relationships are the same, neither are all breakups. Lee says people whose relationships ended because of their partner’s cheating and infidelity may have a harder time dealing with their emotions after the breakup. “This can be the ultimate betrayal, especially if the person finds out for themselves by going through their partner’s email or phone, or by someone telling them,” he says. “The person who cheats can deny it, and that can be hurtful.”

Philips adds that ghosting (an expression meaning to stop communicating) is also particularly difficult to overcome as there is no closure for the person left behind.

Prolong a breakup can aggravate

The way you deal with the end of your relationship can actually make it a little harder to get over the loss, according to Rabenstein. “Although there are no absolute rules, going back and forth with a partner makes it difficult to move on,” she says, adding that continuing to have feelings for someone when you’re trying to make a connection can prolong and delay the breakup to release healing from him.

“Like it or not, physical affection also binds us to other people, so it’s true when you’re under someone, you can’t get over them,” she continues. “If you want to get ahead, you need space and time. As simple as that.”

Rabenstein says she likes to remind patients that early in a breakup, there’s a “speed bump,” which is really the hardest part of the whole process. “It’s the part where you reach out, want to reunite (if only for physical affection) and go back to how it was,” she says. “But once you get over that bump, most people find peace and can move on.”

This is how you get over a breakup quickly

Aside from dodging speed bumps, both Rabenstein and Phillips say there are a few things you can do to mend your broken heart.

• therapy
• Dating
• Travel
• Work out
• Start a new hobby
• spend time with friends
• Attending social events (such as concerts)

“Social media can trigger post-breakup because you might see anniversary dates and couples taking pictures together,” says Phillips. “As such, it might be a good idea to take a break from social media.” Keep in mind that there are many resources to help you deal with your grief after your relationship ends, and Phillips says you always do should draw on the support networks that are available to you to help you work through this difficult time in your life.

Most importantly, no matter how long it takes, it gets better.