How to Get Over Someone You Love

No two breakups are the same. On a scale of one to working with a beast to start the other’s revenge against your exes (Netflix’s take revengeanyone?), grieving, processing, and learning how to get over someone can be messy, confusing, and draining.

Repeat after me: Your feelings are valid, even if the way you deal with them may not look the way you imagine. break away from someone Whoever you made plans with, built a life with and expected to love for a long time will take some time to grieve and it is important to allow yourself to payme all Your feelings so you can emerge as a more resilient, authentic version of yourself, says the psychotherapist Jasmine Celeste Cepeda. There is no reason to rush the healing.

farewell to a relationship also means letting go of the life, lifestyle and identity that you built when that person was in your life,” says Cepeda. “Things that you used to enjoy doing with this person may be too triggering to do while you’re grieving the relationship, so making room for that uneasiness is crucial. The goal is to come back to yourself as a more stable, hopeful, open and accepting person.”

Remember, you can and will get through this. And if you’re feeling particularly at a loss as to how to get over someone, we’ve brought in a few experts to help you navigate through it continue process in the healthiest and most truthful way possible. Here’s what they had to say.

Accept the relationship for what it was

If you’re prone to emotional sabotage, you’re not alone. It’s so easy to get stuck, rehashing the details of your relationship and subsequent breakup, and thinking about what else you could have done or what you could have done differently to change the outcome.

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Licensed psychotherapist Brooke Schwartz says this is a form of rumination, or persistence, in which someone thinks about something in an unproductive manner and without flexibility. When this happens, she suggests practicing grounding — redirecting your thoughts from your inner world to your outer events. Sometimes it feels like taking a hot girl walk, opening all the windows at home so you can feel the sun, literally going outside and smelling the roses, and playing music that brings you joy, among other sensory things.

“Another option is to stay with the thoughts but change their content,” Schwartz adds. “To do this, factually describe the relationship as it really was. note thoughts like, This person refused to spend time with my friends when I asked them to joininstead of harping on thoughts like, If I had asked differently, they might have been more open. If you find yourself in a what-if spiral, go back to what actually was.”

Identify unhealthy coping mechanisms

Check with yourself what impulses you might have, how Check your ex’s social networks Media every few hours, go through your old pictures, listen to old voice memos, or repeat every detail about the last time things were good between you. These urges are part of the natural withdrawal process after heartbreak, he says Kristen Zimmerman, PhD, Clinical Health Psychologist and Associate Professor at Ohio State University. If you find yourself spending any length of time in this headspace, it might be time to do so Call a coach or therapist for additional emotional support.

“If your grieving process is beginning to actively interfere with other important things in your life, whether it’s work, school, parenting, friendships, or other relationships, then it’s time to think about getting help from others,” says Carpenter.

Remove visual reminders

Did you know that you only see the face of someone you love activates unique areas of your brain? This kind of activation is stronger than just thinking about it. So if you are trying to move on after a breakupif there are still pictures of your ex around your apartment or your room is full of small gifts and random items from him, they still maintain an active presence in your life.

It might be difficult, but consider cleaning up the photos you have hanging in your room and muting your ex on social media if you can. Clearing those visual memories is painful, yes, but it can do you more good than harm, trust you.

Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel

In movies and shows we often see Breakups unfold in similar tropes: The boy breaks up with the girl when she thinks he’s going to propose, throws candy at the TV and uses that anger to parade him and get him into Harvard (um, Naturally blond). Wife leaves husband, travels the world and falls in love with a hot man in Bali (Hello, eat, pray, love). The list goes on.

But however you choose to manage your breakup, it’s important to move at a pace that works She, and that you do things because you want to, not because you feel you should or because you feel pressure from those around you. You don’t have to use your sad girl energy to go to law school or embark on an international journey of self-discovery.

“It really bothers me when people say things like: Your ex doesn’t deserve that much of your energyor Crying over your ex only gives him more power‘ says Schwartz. “The underlying message of these statements is: Stop whatever you are feeling or thinkingwhich is both impossible and counterintuitive to the healing process.”

Carpenter adds that many of her patients judge themselves unfairly for their emotional responses. “One of the things I work on with people is trying to give them permission to feel all of these difficult feelings — especially the longer the relationship lasted, the more so complicated the reaction likely—and then thinking about how to use those emotional experiences productively,” she says.

Step back into yourself

One of the best things we can do for ourselves at any stage of our lives is to have a rich and fulfilling life outside of you or your partner, says Carpenter.

The grieving process is messy – *cue Olivia Rodrigos Brutally*-But investing in relationships with ourselves and nurturing our individual hobbies, interests, and social lives is helpful in rebuilding after a breakup. You fill the space that was once for your partner with more time for you.

“These resources are the things you need most when you’re grieving,” says Carpenter. “And so my best advice to people is to keep cultivating other things in your life that are important to you. Because they keep you balanced, they keep you whole and they lay the foundation for support when you need it.”

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