How to Get Over Your Messy-House Shame

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Scroll through social media with their carefully curated images of beautiful uncluttered living spaces, often makes one feel inadequate in relation to one’s own home. Whether it’s the dishes in the kitchen sinkthe piles of laundry you never find time to put away, or the scattered toys you keep asking your kids to pick upThere can be a wide gulf between the perfect images you see on social media and the messy reality of your own Life.

Although it can be anything to easily falling into feelings of inadequacy or shame—or thinking so Clutter is kind of a reflection of who you are as a person –There’s another, more functional way to think about the value of a clean home that can help in battle some of those feelings.

Cleaning is morally neutral

As KC Davisa licensed professional therapist and author of the book How to Household When Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing, often reminds people to think about it cleaning ais morally neutral. She’s not saying that having a clean space isn’t important or helpful, but that is The cleanliness of your home does not reflect your worth, achievements, or struggles as a person.

To the people who are always clean hometown, “All she says about them is that they have a beautiful home all the time,” Davis said. It says nothing about their mental health, their achievements, or their big struggles in life. It just tells you that they prioritize cleaning.

Rto remove some of these moral judgments about purification can help get rid of those feelings of shame and inadequacy. A clean home is just that: a clean home. It doesn’t reflect how good or bad you are as a person, and it doesn’t affect your other accomplishments.

People deserve a home that works for them

Rather than attributing moral value to cleaning your home, Davis emphasizes that approaching cleaning is something designed to help you live a more functional life, rather than being one a reflection of who you are. “You don’t exist to serve your house, your house exists to serve you,” Davis said. In practice, this means approaching organization and cleaning tasks with an attitude of making your space functional to your needs, rather than focusing on how it looks.

Once that’s the case, “then you can start thinking about how you can make your home work for your brain or your body,” Davis said. For those with limited mobility or those with executive disabilities, this can mean organizing your home to reach everything you need or remember where everything is.

For Davis, she was frustrated with constantly having to go upstairs to get a bunch of items, so she designed a server station in her living room with bins for clean and dirty laundry, outdoor wear, and diapers. This eliminates the need for her to keep going up and down the stairs to get different items.

For other people, this may mean prioritizing low-maintenance surfaces, keeping important things close at hand, or keeping everything in plain sight rather than hiding in drawers. “You deserve accommodations in your home that allow you to function,” Davis said.

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