How to Get Your Partner to Sext You

If you’re looking for a quick way to get turned on or to let your partner know that tonight is on, nothing beats sexting. It’s easy, it’s free (assuming you still have your family plan – thanks dad!) and it’s very hot no matter what kind of sex you’re into. The problem is that sexting doesn’t come naturally to everyone. So if you’re looking to find out how to get your partner to sex you when all your XXX messages are lying flat, you’ve come to the right place.

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Whether you want to keep up a torrent of searing texts throughout the day or you’d rather sit down for a steamy session, there are plenty of reasons why sexting is so hot. “It’s a form of foreplay that gets people to see each other,” explains intimacy coach Maureen PollackPresident of adorable. “And guess what? It’s also part of some people’s love language.” If you’re a “words of affirmation” type, you’ll probably feel good about sending and receiving sexts. How…Yes, really Well.

But hey, before you start thinking there’s something “wrong” with your non-sexting partner or that he’s not that into you because he doesn’t understand what you’re writing, don’t panic. Certified sexologist and tantric practitioner Tyomi Morgan says some people just aren’t like that, um, vangry when it comes to texting in general, let alone when those texts are ~erotic~ in nature. “Sexting requires trust in sexual communication. Resistance usually shows up where there is a lack of trust,” explains Morgan. “For people who don’t have much experience with erotic vocabulary and are more reserved in the way they communicate over the phone or mobile devices, sexting can seem like a chore.”

Obviously, you don’t want sexting to feel like an item on your SO’s to-do list. But figuring out *how* to get your partner engaged is difficult if they don’t come up with the idea. Whether they never get the clue, the lyrics get hot, take them forever to reply, or they’re just plain bad at it, all hope is not lost. If you’re into sexy news, but your partner isn’t exactly a sexting master, here’s the best way to go about it.

First, what counts as sexting?

Before you can start implementing some *chef* sexting tips with your SO, it’s a good idea to get this straight What Sexting actually is. It usually takes place on a phone or mobile device (sometimes even on a computer if you use iMessage or Insta-DMs) and can include anything from photos and nudes to words and emojis. In fact, Morgan says even sultry voice notes can fall under the term “sexting” if that’s more your style.

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And while sexting is usually done via text (I mean hello, sex + text), there are also dedicated apps for sexting with features like disappearing photos and screenshot notifications. Additionally, many people use social media to send sexy DMs – you just should be extra careful not to leak your carefully crafted erotic messages to your story.

Whichever method you choose, according to Pollack, the first and most important component of sexting is consent. Your partner might be in a meeting or in a public place, and a sext popping up on their phone is like a scene from a bad romantic comedy. Additionally, they may just be unavailable, with friends, or just not in the mood for sext, so always get the green light before you start any sexy convos and agree on what to do with the resulting images/messages before hitting send.

And FYI, if/when everyone is on the same page, Morgan says sexting can be really healthy for your relationship. “It makes it easier to communicate wants, needs and desires. […] Sexting also makes talking about sex fun and less serious, especially when emoji are used to represent a mood, sex act, or body parts.”

How to actually get your partner to sext you:

One of the best ways to start a sexting conversation is to simply text your partner to say you’re in the mood and you want them to join in. Spell it out for him! This way you are very clear and at the same time asking for approval.

“Asking is a way to get approval, and approval in itself is sexy,” Morgan explains. But don’t worry — you don’t have to go through the hassle of sending a message like, “Do you want to have sex?” Mark yes or no.” Think: something more flirty, but still obvious enough for everyone to understand.

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If you’re stuck on a good convo starter, Morgan suggests something like:

  • “I feel 🔥😜. Can you help me get out?”
  • “Want to get dirty and play with me 😈?”
  • “Can you send me some XXX?”

    Using a combination of words and emojis keeps things light and playful while still getting your point across (which is important when your SO often misses the memo). “XXX, #NSFW, the eggplant emoji, and the smiling purple devil emoji are universal symbols signifying sexual engagement,” says Morgan. “The word ‘sex’ never needs to be used when sexting to recognize that sexting is happening and not normal conversation.” However, keep in mind that not every partner will get it if you just send them emojis, so the more obvious you are for Your specific partner can be, the better.

    If the problem is your partner falling silent or not knowing what to say, try acting as their sexting guide. Take control of the conversation by asking direct questions instead of open-ended questions. It’s easier to answer something when the pressure of all conservation isn’t dependent on what you say next, so give them a lifeline by leading the scene, and when they do something you find sexy, say it it them! Do rave about the photo they sent or explain how hot their comment made you. Pollack says the more you compliment him on what they’re doing right, the more confident they become about sexting in general. So go ahead, give her ego a little boost.

    Of course, people who excel at communication — like those who find it easy to come up with clever answers or cute messages — enjoy sexting more than others because they’re understandably good at it. If your partner isn’t as adept at the art of message-making, Morgan explains that that may explain his lack of enthusiasm. As with any new skill, it takes practice, guidance, and plenty of positive reinforcement to master.

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    Because of this, communication is key to introducing sexting into the relationship. Inform your partner why Being interested in the storyline could help them understand how important it is to you, and finding out what they’re comfortable with can help strengthen your bond. Maybe they like receiving photos of you but never know how to reply, or maybe texting doesn’t make them feel dominant or sexy. A simple chat could help you find a solution that will make you both happy, hot and troubled.

    Just a few sexting tips to know:

    Since getting your partner to be fluent in sexy texting can take a little trial and error, Pollack suggests starting small — like pick-up lines and flirty emojis — and building from there. If they have trouble expressing their feelings/desires with words, encourage them to use photos, gifs or memes instead.

    Ultimately, using the sexting session as a shared learning experience can help your partner get used to the concept and become more comfortable. “Ask for feedback, ask questions, and ask to see certain things,” Morgan suggests. Since the main purpose of sexting is to have fun, you really can’t do it not correct as long as everyone involved is involved. But if your significant other still doesn’t play along after all of this, don’t keep trying to force it. Be open about listening to their concerns about sexting and try to think about alternatives together.

    “Your relationship is not doomed if your partner isn’t into what you are,” says Pollack. “One person’s pleasure does not override another person’s limitations.” Rather than shaming your partner or trying to pressure them, Morgan suggests finding another activity that makes you both feel fulfilled. Using sexy apps, phone sex, or watching porn can simultaneously scratch that sexting itch, no emojis required.

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