How to Not Train for Climbing
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Forearms so vascular They attract sharks. Back muscles so torn that they could be mapped topographically. Fingers so strong they could crush rocks like wet spaghetti. In my seven years as a climber, I’ve achieved none of that. Follow my five simple, experience-based, non-training tips below, and I promise that in just six weeks you won’t be a better climber than you are today – and possibly worse.
1. Buy books
Sure, you could follow a simple resistance training program to make reliable gains like 99 percent of athletes in other sports do, but you’re a climber. It’s not like that for us. Some experts would suggest that you read a rock climbing training book and then create a plan based on that book. I’m here to tell you that if you just buy books, you can’t get the same satisfaction from any of the results.
Eric Horsts training for climbing is a great place to start. While you wait, listen to the Training Beta Podcast. Hear the Anderson brothers explain their research-centric approach. Take training for climbing take it out of the Amazon box and put it straight on the shelf. command The training manual for climbers. Ah, better: This is clearly the only workout book you’ll ever need. Although this Steve Bechtel guy has some interesting ideas. Hmm, OK: Anderson bros out, Bechtel’s Strength: Basic training for climbing in. Or maybe Training for the new alpinism is what you need. or Climbing 5.12. or The self-coached climber.
I’ll let you in on a secret: it doesn’t matter what books you buy as long as you don’t read them.
2. Change programs Frequently
Now that you haven’t delved into the latest training lore, it’s time to put together a plan based on what’s likely in those books. Rows with dumbbells. Boards. Hangboard repeater at 9 seconds on, 2.27 seconds off. Do it with enthusiasm for a week and then start doubting yourself. You’re planked twice and still slipping off pitchers. There are definitely better exercises. Start all over. squats. deadlift. Deadhangs with maximum weight. Hit the irons hard until you read an internet forum where a bunch of teenagers agree that rock climbing is the best way to train for rock climbing. dumbbells out. Bouldering 4x4s in. Waffle early and often. The trick to not exercising is to never stay in one exercise long enough for your body to adjust.
[Also Try Not Following this 6-weeks to Stronger Fingers Course, by Jonathan Siegrist]
3. Engage in a high-intensity exercise program*
It turns out that designing and executing a training plan is difficult. And boring. It’s easier to pay someone to tell you what to do. You’ve scoffed at high-intensity training in the past, but people like it — even some regular people, even though their pull-ups are suspect. Eh, you might as well try.
Holy shit, that’s hard!
You’ll have to give up climbing tonight, but your new regime will get you in shape fast. You should probably also give up climbing tomorrow. you will be sore And then it’s time to train again. Lose the desire to climb and give everything to the box. Set a record by flipping a truck tire the most times before a projectile breaks. Celebrate with burpees and a trip to the ER for rhabdomyolysis-induced kidney failure.
*You can achieve similar results by running ultramarathons.
4. Injuring yourself
It’s nice that you’re back in the climbing gym – you’ve gotten a bit out of joint there. To make up for lost time, go all-in on the hangboard. One session per day, no days off. By the end of the first week, your ring finger will be sore, stiff, and tender to the touch. Those are warning signs. ignore her Continue hangboarding until your A2 reel explodes like a shot, prompting everyone in the gym to duck for cover. Finger permanently damaged, spend the next two years doing nothing for fear of re-injuring yourself if you approach a rock.
5. Repeat
If you’ve followed the steps above correctly, you shouldn’t be fitter than ever. They should be weaker, poorer and older. Repeat the routine for as long as you want to get stuck at 5.10, which you could as climbing above that grade is impossible. Trust me. I’ve tried everything but committing and sticking to a training schedule.