Too young, too old, or just a woman? How to fight stereotypes of ‘gendered ageism’
It’s no secret that in 2022 women still face sexism.
But as they get older, they also face what is known as gender ageism: discrimination based on their age. It impacts a woman’s professional growth, physical health, and emotional well-being.
Aging experts say intergenerational conversations are a solution to support women as they age and to reshape how our culture thinks about aging.
Now here Host Deepa Fernandes takes that advice to heart and brings together two gerontologists to share their perspectives: 34-year-old Christina Peoples from Greensboro, North Carolina, and 70-year-old Jeanette Leardi from Portland, Oregon.
Leardi says she has personally experienced ageism and sexism in a variety of ways.
When she was in her 20s, people thought she was “too young” to understand certain things. Then, as she got older, the other end of ageism kicked in.
“For example, I’m in a supermarket where a cashier who is much younger than me will say, ‘Have you found everything you need, young lady?’ And I have gray hair. I obviously have gray hair. So I say to the person, ‘Do you have any eye problems? I’m actually an old person and I’m fine with that. And you know what? You can agree to that, too,’” she says. “It’s a double-edged sword, and it’s what I call ‘aging as a woman,’ and we endure that all our lives.”
Leardi’s work focuses on how ageism affects the social aspect of our lives.
“When people talk patronizingly to someone like me because they assume I don’t hear well or don’t understand things, or they’re being overly nice to me and calling me ‘honey’ and ‘honey,’ those are demeaning ways of looking at me older adults,” she says. “And the ironic thing is that as we get older, we become more diverse. Therefore, people should never make assumptions about a person based on which group they appear to belong to. But it’s especially common as we get older.”
Peoples says she sees gender ageism impacting the responsibilities society places on women, both older and younger.
“For an older woman, there’s a responsibility of being an educator, a caregiver, and all those roles, right? For a younger woman, there’s this expectation that we should want to have kids and want to get married. We should have all these goals centered around nurturing and caring for people,” she says. “As you continue to age, you have all these expectations of yourself. And that then affects our health, how well we live, our finances, our role at work and our families.”
As a black woman, Peoples says she doesn’t see many women of color in her area.
“There are a handful. And that’s something I look forward to as it grows,” she says. “I know we’re here, but we don’t see a lot of women of color being singled out in the arena of aging. And we need those voices because when it comes time to reach out to someone for information and sometimes encouragement, it helps when there’s someone you can relate to.”
Negative feelings about aging can emerge early in a child’s life, which Leardi says is a major driver of interactions and relationships between younger and older people. She points to an early example of ageism in schools, where teachers have children dress up as 100-year-olds for the 100th day of school.
“We gerontologists actively work to discourage [this] in schools,” she says. “Instead, some schools are doing activities like putting a dime in a jar each day and seeing what 100 cents look like at the end of 100 days, so that it really reflects aging as a cumulative process.”
Ageism persists in society because people tend to see it as nothing more than deterioration and decline, Leardi says.
“What people don’t understand, and I like to teach about that, is the changes in the brains of older adults,” she says. “Yes, we’re losing certain capacities of short-term memory and processing speed, how quickly we can react to certain things, but we’re actually acquiring other skills that we couldn’t possibly have had when we were younger.”
Leardi points to the example of how both sides of our brains are connected by a tissue called the corpus callosum, which matures as we age and by the time we reach our 50s, allows them to use both sides of their brains more frequently at the same time.
“That means older adults tend to see problems as gray. Things aren’t that clear either way. We tend to see the ‘what ifs’,” she says. “Younger brains have their abilities, they have their advantages, and so do older brains. And that’s why it’s important for young and old to keep exchanging ideas.”
Fernandes ends the conversation with Leardi and People and asks if they have any questions for each other.
Leardi wonders how Peoples sees things changing as a gerontologist ages. Peoples says she feels more confident about aging.
“There’s so much more room to grow,” says Peoples. “And just keep connecting with people of all ages. I have friends in their 70’s, in their 60’s and in their 50’s. I want this to continue and just… bring to light how we all age and there are ways we can do this the way we want to do it.
Peoples asks Leardi what tips she has for everyone as they continue to age and navigate any crossroads that arise.
No matter how old we are — but especially as we age — we should examine in our own heads what we think about aging, says Leardi.
“If we ourselves believe that aging is a bad thing, then it will affect how we see the world and how we relate to other people. Like, ‘I don’t want to go to this party. I may be the only old person there. So, first of all, we have to be clear about what we think about aging and develop a positive attitude towards it,” says Leardi. “Then the other thing about standing up for ourselves is to be brave. When a situation arises, we can gently correct someone else if we feel we are being put down as an older person.”
Ashley Locke produced and edited this broadcast interview with Catherine Welch. Locke also adapted it for the web.