What is gaslighting? Here’s how can you spot it and how to respond
“Gaslight, Gatekeeper, Girlboss” is the popular meme you may have seen circulating around the internet for a while. Knowyourmeme.com states that the origin of the meme comes from a 2021 Tumblr post mocking “live laugh love.” The meme has blossomed into merchandise, including a viral tapestry featuring singers Taylor Swift, Lorde and Phoebe Bridgers. Wellandgood.com says the term gaslighting has been used in the psychology world for years, but the term gained prominence around 2018. The term has been misused and some people may not know exactly when gaslighting takes place, so what is it exactly?
What is gas lighting?
According to the Newport Institute, gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the manipulator tries to make his victim believe that what is happening to him is not really happening and his reality is not true.
The Newport Institute provides some examples of what gaslighting is:
- Lying or denying something and refusing to admit the lie even if you show them evidence
- Insist that an event or behavior you witnessed never happened and that you are misremembering it
- Spreading rumors and gossip about you or telling you that other people are gossiping about you
- Changing the subject or refusing to listen when confronted with a lie or other gaslighting behavior
- Tell them you overreact when you call them
- More examples from the Newport Institute
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Where does the term gaslighting come from?
The Newport Institute says the origin of the word gaslighting comes from the 1938 play Angel Street. Alfred Hitchcock eventually turned the play into the 1944 film Gaslight. The story follows a man who convinces his wife that she is going insane so he can rob her. When he turns on the light in the attic to look for his wife’s jewelry, the gas light begins to dim downstairs. He tells his wife it’s all her imagination and makes her believe the lights aren’t dimmed.
Signs of gas lighting
Verywellmind.com says there are many signs of gaslighting, including but not limited to:
- You doubt your sense of reality
- You question your judgment and perception
- You feel vulnerable and insecure
- You feel alone and powerless
- You wonder if you are what they say you are
- You are disappointed in yourself and what you have become
- You feel confused
- You worry that you are too sensitive
- You have a sense of impending doom
- You spend a lot of time apologizing
- You feel inadequate
- You doubt yourself
- You assume that others will be disappointed in you
- You wonder what’s wrong with you
- You struggle to make decisions because you distrust yourself
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How to address and respond to gaslighting
Responding to gaslighting can be difficult, but Healthline offers eight ways to respond properly:
- Make sure it’s actually gaslighting
- Take some distance from the situation
- Gather evidence
- Talk about the behavior
- Remain confident in your version of events
- Focus on self-care
- involve others
- Find professional support