Column: How to be comfortable being alone

Before going to college, I took a gap year to work, travel, and shine.

In the first half of the year I moved to Manhattan to live my Carrie Bradshaw fantasy. I was prepared for anything: running late to work in cool outfits, hailing cabs with windblown hair – you know the vibe. What I wasn’t prepared for was how often I would be alone. Unlike Carrie, I didn’t have a regular group of friends to spend every waking moment with.

So I made a decision. If I had to spend a whole year by myself, I’d be cheesy, pick flowers, have fun, and be my best friend, no matter the effort.

In other words, I learned how to have a good time writing all caps alone. Not just lowercase when you’re sitting in your room and wishing someone would write you what’s happening tonight. I’m talking about the kind of solitude when you intentionally spend hours alone, doing whatever you want, and having a good time.

Because one day, whether it’s because of a move to a new city, a job change, a breakup, or a fight with friends, you’re going to find yourself alone. It is up to you whether you write it in upper or lower case.

Ask yourself what it means to you to write only lowercase letters.

While it’s different for everyone, I’ve learned to recognize this feeling in myself. It’s when I’m surrounded by happy friends, couples and families and I crave the company they have.

It’s that feeling of being at a party and not knowing who to talk to or what to do with your hands.

Be alone with a friend.

Now that you’ve figured out what just feeling lower case means to you, it’s time to make the situation a little more comfortable. A little more thoughtful. A little more capital letters.

Just diving straight into solitude can be difficult, especially if you’ve been supplementing your hyperactive brain with TikTok for the past four years and can’t remember what it’s like to think.

If the idea of ​​going out alone with your thoughts sounds daunting — which is perfectly normal — try walking a friend somewhere on campus and breaking up to the point where you can still see each other but can’t speak. A great place for this is the Coker Arboretum.

Sit where you are for a full hour. Pick up a sketchpad, book, paints, whatever you want that can help you entertain yourself without forcing external content into your head. The goal is to work with what you already have in your wrinkled, overworked, latte-soaked brain.

Do this a few times, and when it gets easier, try going to the same place without the friend.

Do something you love to do with friends, alone.

Dress up, go to your favorite restaurant (dining room doesn’t count), and eat an entire meal by yourself. Don’t answer your phone, read a book, or do anything to distract yourself.

You will be surprised how peaceful it is and how no one else in the restaurant cares. If they do, they’re a loser. Seriously, have you ever judged someone for sitting and minding their own business? (If the answer is yes, you should take some time to ask yourself why.)

friends yelled at you? go anyway Your favorite band is coming to town, but no one else is listening? go anyway Nobody wants to grab a pumpkin spice latte before class and check out the cool outfits people have on the quad? go anyway (Actually invite me.)

Work solitude into your schedule

In all honesty, these moments just give you a chance to find out what’s going on in your life. We jump so quickly from class to clubs to bed and over and over again, it’s hard for us to sit and think about how we felt and why.

Think of your brain like a suitcase after a vacation. If you just add more clothes before your next vacation without organizing the stuff you already have in it, it becomes a huge mess. Set aside an hour each week to fold the garments and place them where they belong.

Unlike some of my other questionable advice, my method of enjoying alone time takes practice. Treat it like homework. It may be uncomfortable and awkward at the moment, but it’s getting easier. And that’s just my Two Spence.

@dthopinion

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