How to deal with parent’s divorce? 6 tips for every heartbroken child

Divorce can be bitter and painful. It is likely that the atmosphere at home was uncomfortable before completion. In the denouement of everything you know, your parents’ divorce could shake up fundamental blocks about you as an individual. It could leave you vulnerable, unstable, angry, hurt and even guilty. You might be crushed by negative emotions and somehow in your confusion think that your guilt led to the divorce. But such feelings are natural. You just have to learn to deal with parental divorce over time.

Here are a few tips on how to deal with your parents’ divorce:

1. Her divorce is not your fault:

Many parents decide to divorce because of issues such as constant fighting and arguments, misunderstandings, disrespect, infidelity, abuse, or substance abuse. They might even mistakenly feel that their divorce has something to do with you. However, your parents’ divorce may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Remember that their actions are not your fault and it can help you overcome your worries about their divorce.

Divorce can affect the home
An ongoing divorce can affect the home environment. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

2. Realize that your feelings are valid:

Anger, confusion, sadness, grief – these are all normal feelings when your parents are divorcing. Your feelings are real, valid, and that’s normal. Acknowledge these feelings but don’t allow them to consume you. Many young people suppress their feelings. But when these feelings become invalid, it leads to harmful and self-destructive behavior. You could end up dealing with these feelings in ways you never thought possible.

3. Learn to manage the stress:

Stress is not caused by the event but by our reaction to it. For many, especially younger children, the divorce of their parents is perhaps the most stressful event in their lives to date. Even more so when you have no one to talk to. Therefore, you need to find things that reduce your stress levels. Find things you enjoy doing because it will take your stress off.

4. Know that you cannot fix their marriage:

Many children think that if they just did more for their parents or were better children, maybe their parents wouldn’t divorce. However, repairing their marriage is not your problem. You can tell them that you love them and want to have a healthy relationship with them individually. It is also unacceptable for you to act as a messenger for them, relaying messages from one house to another.

Also Read: Arguing Parents Can Harm A Child’s Mental Health, So Calm Down!

Stress of parental divorce
Do not stress yourself unnecessarily and talk to the people close to you. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

5. Don’t be afraid to talk to your parents:

Many children do not want to continue grieving their parents and end up repressing their feelings instead of finding a healthier way to deal with their parents’ divorce. But the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to talk to them. Whether you’re feeling lost, angry, sad, or disillusioned, you need to tell them how you’re feeling. It’s okay to wish they could get back together. But the most important thing is that you realize that they should be happy.

6. Seek Help:

It will help you to discuss things with someone you trust. Talking to parents or friends can help. However, consider speaking to a therapist or a counselor. Maybe you’re uncomfortable talking to a stranger about problems at home, or you feel guilty, or you think you’re letting your parents down by talking to someone. However, seeking professional help will help you identify your feelings and give you insights into how to handle the situation.

Also Read: 5 Parenting Tips for a Single Mom Coping with Divorce

The last word

Divorce can adversely affect children in many areas; psychologically, physically, emotionally, financially and even academically. Its effects can create a ripple effect and leave a lasting impact on your psychological state. Therefore, when your parents are getting divorced, it’s important that you go through your emotions and get the tools you need to make yourself feel better.

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