How to Empower Yourself | Psychology Today

personal power is not just the ability to do something. You have the power to drive your vehicle into the side of a building, but would hardly be powerful if you did. Personal power is the ability to resist impulses and act in your long-term best interests. It is often enhanced by Not do something.

social powerr gets others to do your will. It reduces personal power when it runs counter to the long-term interests of the individual, e.g. B. through the abuse of loved ones. With social power comes responsibility. The exercise of power without accountability is at the heart of abuse in all its forms.

focus

The sense of personal power is a function of focus. When we focus on what we cannot control – the behavior and attitudes of others, chance, economics, politics – we feel powerless.

Powerlessness makes us feel vulnerable and likely to perceive an ego threat. The activation of anger in mammals is a perception of vulnerability plus threat, plus a sense that the interaction (real or imagined) carries minimal risk of annihilation. Attempting to “manage” anger while feeling vulnerable or threatened, that is, while focused on things you cannot control, can only lead to harm reduction.

The habitual response to fainting is the psychological suffering of our time: accuse.

Blame is what makes us look for solutions in places we can’t control. Dealing with vulnerable feelings through blaming others leads to resentment, disrespect, impulsive behavior, intolerance, and external place of controlfeeling that the results of our behavior are in the control of others.

self empowerment requires that we replace the habit of blaming with the habit of improving.

If we cannot improve situations, we must improve their experience. Heavy traffic is a situation that we cannot improve while stuck in it. The experience worsens when we blame other drivers, the layout of the freeway, the synchronization of traffic lights, or ourselves for not leaving earlier or choosing a different route.

But if we focus on improving the congestion experience, we will have ideas, such as listening to pleasant music or an audio book, making a phone call, or planning how to compensate for delays.

The habit of improving, like all habits, comes from repetition –work out.

Focus on who you are To theNot Versus

Most people are to the Fairness, but focus on injustice. The focus on fairness leads to behaviors that promote cooperation, harmony, equality and morality—values ​​shared by most people.

The focus on injustice leads to the exercise of power and retaliation, not fairness. It creates fantasies of forcing submission or punishment, which inevitably leaves you more powerless.

Focus on what you are to the will likely evoke cooperation in others. Focus on what you are versus conjures up antagonism.

Personal Empowerment

The first step to personal empowerment is to answer the following questions.

• What can I do to make my life better? (Examples: be more flexible, challenge my assumptions, uphold my values ​​- be fair, honest, compassionate).
• What am I doing that is making my life worse? (Examples: blaming, belittling others, acting impulsively or based on passing feelings).
• What can I do to improve my primary relationship? (Examples: being kinder, more protective, more compassionate, more supportive, more loving).
• What am I doing that is making my main relationship worse? (Examples: criticize, accuse, stonewall, annoy).
• What can I do to improve my parenting? (Examples: exemplify the behaviors and values ​​I want my children to adopt, listen to them, enjoy them, help them find solutions, respect them, make their homes safe).
• What am I doing to interfere with my upbringing? (Examples: blame, punish, shame, scare, devalue the other parent, model poor emotion regulation, and dysfunctional relationship dynamics).
• What can I do to improve my work experience? (Examples: focus on my efforts rather than other people’s opinions, find something useful in criticism even if it’s mostly wrong).
• What am I doing that is making my work experience worse? (Examples: reacting in kind to the negative behavior of others, contributing to an unforgiving or hostile environment).

To empower yourself, practice the behaviors you’ve identified that improve your life—and, of course, avoid the ones that make your life worse.