How to Encourage Teens to Open Up About Mental Health
Today I asked Ken Duckworth to share his tip of the week.
“You are depressed and need help.”
“That will not happen.”
This is how countless discussions begin and end when we ask teenagers to open up about mental health. I’ve seen so many loving parents fall into this pattern – urging action but met with resistance in return. Sometimes this direct strategy works, but often it doesn’t.
What can be more effective? Motivational interviewing.
Motivational interviewing is a way of speaking to someone who needs support but doesn’t want to know what to do—which most of us are. This method can be particularly useful for teenagers, who are at a stage in life when they are naturally trying to build an identity separate from their parents.
How does motivational interviewing work? Inside each of us there is a kind of committee – inner voices that can contradict each other. When a parent asks their child if they need help, one of these voices might get excited (yes please help me), but another, louder voice wants to leave everything as it is (No, go away!).
Research shows that if you listen carefully, you can hear the ambivalence and then gently support your child’s own propensity for change. By asking thoughtful questions, you can help your child make good decisions for themselves. For example, you might ask, “If you decided to seek help, what qualities would you look for in a therapist given what you know about yourself?”
Ask with curiosity and listen without judging. If your child sounds ambivalent, repeat both sides. Start with the restraint, insert one and, then give the pro-change page they expressed. For example, if your teen reports trouble sleeping, you can say, “Part of you wants to be able to get by on your own, and another part is hoping a doctor has some good ideas.”
The use of motivational talks requires a lot of patience. But it often yields better results for someone you love who doesn’t yet see the need for support as you do.
Not Tell a young person that something is wrong with them and expect an enthusiastic response.
Do Listen for subtle cues of interest in change, then use motivational interviewing techniques to encourage, engage, and support them.
Ken Duckworth, Chief Medical Officer of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), is the author of You’re Not Alone: The NAMI’s Guide to Navigating Mental Health – with expert advice and wisdom from real people and families.