How to Increase Your Emotional and Social Intelligence

What is Emotional Intelligence? We’ve all heard about emotional intelligence and its importance in relationships. But what is it really? The best way to start thinking about emotional intelligence (at least in terms of the part that can be developed) is through a set of emotional communication skills. This means the ability to accurately communicate felt emotions to others, the ability to “read” the emotional messages of others, and the ability to regulate and control the experiencing and expression of emotions.

And what is social intelligence? Think of social intelligence as the general knowledge and skills needed to understand people and social situations. Some people might call it “common sense” or “street smartness” or just “tact”. Examples of elements of social intelligence are:

• Conversation Skills: Knowing what to say, how to say it, and not being speechless.
• Knowledge of social roles and unspoken social norms: Think of this as “knowing how to play the game” of social interactions.
• Effective listening: Being a good listener not only helps you connect with others, but also makes the other person feel good about the interaction.
• Impression Management Skills: Maintain a delicate balance between controlling the image you project to others and being authentic.
• Understanding how other people “tick”: Be attuned to the behavior of others and be able to understand others’ circumstances so you know where they are coming from.
• Social self-efficacy: Feel comfortable around other people and have confidence in your ability to interact with others.

Strategies to improve emotional and social intelligence

1. Become a people watcher. Learn the value of observing others. Pay attention to subtle non-verbal cues in the tone of voice, facial expressions, body movements, and posture of others.
2. Become more aware of your own emotional behavior. Get more confident. For example, some people tend to appear angry (or happy) even when they are not experiencing those emotions (i.e., “resting angry face”), or they are unaware of the emotions they are sending out. Get feedback on how you convey emotions to others.
3. learn small talk. Work on your conversation skills. Practice striking up conversations with strangers while waiting in line or on public transport. Try to keep the conversation interesting and social for both of you.
4. Practice public speaking. Consider taking a class or joining a group like Toastmasters that offers opportunities to practice speaking.
5. Take an acting or improv class. Community colleges and theaters often offer acting and improv classes. Playing roles or having to have spontaneous conversations are good strategies for developing both emotional and, above all, social intelligence.

The emotional and social skills on which these “intelligences” are based are the basic building blocks that are required for success in social interaction and in many professions or management positions. Developing these skills will increase your overall emotional and social intelligence.