How to Respond If Your Child Comes Out Today

“It is not about if Students will disclose same-sex attractions and transgender identities, however if‘ a Christian private school administrator told me recently. “I’d be surprised if my own kids weren’t wondering if they’re gay or trans, given how pervasive those ideologies are.”

We can expect a barrage of announcements on October 11th, dubbed National Coming Out Day by the sex and gender movement. Creating an annual opportunity for people to reject traditional sexuality and personality is a marketing stroke of genius: not only is it okay to be gay or trans, but spreading it in the public square now rakes in praise, parades and pedestals .

It can be extremely hard for Christian parents to watch a child stray from the biblical foundations of sex and identity, especially as the child progresses toward irreversible medicalization.

It can be extremely hard for Christian parents to watch a child stray from the biblical foundations of sex and identity, especially as the child progresses toward irreversible medicalization. Transgender identification fuels “gender medicine,” and a proliferating swarm of for-profit doctors is leading more and more vulnerable people to sterility, disfigurement, and psychopathy. At the same time, I’m Your Mom Now huggers and social media influencers claim that anyone who doesn’t applaud someone’s coming out is hateful, toxic, bigoted, and should be ostracized.

Given this vicious cultural narrative, what is the best way for parents to respond to a child’s coming out?

1. Keep calm.

Parents are defied by activists who explain that concerns or questions are evidence that parents don’t love their children or don’t want them to be happy. This false dichotomy—”adopt the ideology or reject the child altogether”—separates children from their parents before a single word is uttered. An unrestrained panic reaction will only drive that wedge further in.

Inhale, count to 10, and say, “I appreciate the courage it took you to tell me that.”

2. Affirm your love.

Then affirm your unconditional and enduring love.

Society is programmed to believe that parents love their children only when they surrender to what those children want, feel, and believe in the first place. Address the lack of common sense in this mindset later; Right now you want to short-circuit such a destructive lie. Say, “No matter what happens, we will always love you. We will always be your mom and dad.”

3. Take a minute.

Ask for time to include this information if you need it, which you probably do.

The announcement may have come out of the blue, or you may have expected it. Either way, you’re likely to feel shock, sadness, and fear. Your feelings are legitimate. Say to your child, “This is new to me and I need some time to process it. Thank you for your patience while I learn.”

4. Do your research.

Next, examine what led your child to that conclusion.

How did your child get here? Is she a tween girl caught up in the social contagion of gender? Are you dealing with a grown man who has slipped under the brainwashing influence of porn that promotes feminization? Does your child have a diagnosis of depression, prior trauma, or autism? The presence of other mental health or neurological diagnoses increases children’s vulnerability to activist insistence they feel different because they are transgender.

Finding out what happened will inform how to proceed.

It’s important to realize that same-sex attraction and transgenderism are two different ball games.

It’s important to realize that same-sex attraction and transgenderism are two different ball games. A homosexual lifestyle contradicts God’s plan for human intimacy, but it does not necessarily result in immediate physical harm. Transgender ideology, on the other hand, calls for breast and rib crushers, development-inhibiting puberty blockers, cross-gender hormones that ravage the body, and irreversible surgeries that mutilate primary and secondary sex organs. If your child says they are gay or lesbian, you may have some time to work out the issues. If your child wants to cross-sex, expect urgent discussions about permanent, body-altering medical treatments.

The age and family situation of your child also play a role in your next steps. The married birth parents of a minor can drop out of public school, quit their smartphone, and delete social media. But when parents are divorced and can’t agree on what’s best for the child, it can be difficult to respond productively. With financially independent adult children, parents have little control.

5. Take action.

Finally, determine what you think about the issue, set boundaries, and get support for yourself.

If you have a biblical worldview on sex and gender, you have as much right to your position as your child claims to have to his or hers. You can say, “Sleepovers with potential sexual partners are not permitted in this house,” or “I can’t refer to you by any other pronoun because I don’t think God approves of that.”

You may have a long journey ahead of you trying to reconcile your child with health and reality, so surround yourself with support. Join an online or in-person support group for parents who are solving difficult problems with their children. If you hire a therapist, make sure you’re both on the same page about what constitutes health and reality. Entrust yourself to friends who pray for and with you.

But most of all, as you raise your child, seek God’s guidance, the wisdom of the Holy Ghost, and Christ’s way of showing perfect love while holding fast to Bible truth. Your child’s coming out may have caught you by surprise, but nothing surprises God. He loves you, He loves your child, and He has prepared a way for you.