Striving for ‘Imprefection’ | How to improve your attitude – Times-Standard

As the story goes, a couple is concerned about the major disagreement between their two sons. One is a convinced pessimist, his brother a decided optimist. To nurture the cynical child’s attitude and keep the other from disappointment by teaching them that things don’t always go as they expect, the parents devise a plan.

Each boy wakes up on Christmas morning to find his own big wrapped present. The grumpy child opens his and discovers the ultimate construction set inside. As if on cue, his behavior turns sour and he wails, “It’s too many pieces, I know I’m going to lose a whole bunch of them, and then I’ll be sad. Why are you doing this to me?”

The optimistic brother, on the other hand, unpacks his to find a dirty, rusty horseshoe among bundles of paper. Undeterred by what appears to be a mean, lousy gift, he eagerly begins to rummage through the papers and excitedly proclaims, “Wow! There must be a pony here somewhere!”

Attitude, our way of looking at the events that make up our lives, will either elevate us or ruin us because it determines what we do and how others respond to us. Since the shape of the world already makes it a particularly difficult task to improve our settings, I thought I’d help you on how to improve yours.

I don’t normally write “how-to” columns, but this was sparked because a recent coaching client asked how she could become more optimistic, so I thought, “What the heck, might as well spread it further.” About ours Making the planet a little bit happier, one reader at a time, here are four of the most common reasons why one’s attitude can become a dumpster.

Reason #1: All or nothing thinking. This is easy to recognize when the inner voice says something like “Wow! I messed it up. Well, as long as I blew it, I might as well blow it real! I can always start all over again tomorrow.” Whether the trigger was inappropriate food or feeling the whole day was ruined because it started badly, perfectionist thinking will pave the way for the best attitude. Pay attention to words like “always”, “never” or “should” in your inner voice. Life isn’t black and white and one mistake doesn’t ruin everything unless you let it.

Reason #2: Be selective. Here we focus on a part of the image that is not 100% what is expected. As a kid, remember how you felt after accomplishing a goal only for someone to spot the mistake right away? That inner child still reacts in the same way. Focus on the whole image rather than individual pixels to avoid this trap.

Reason #3: Overgeneralization. On the other hand (at the risk of mixed metaphor), painting with a brush that’s too wide will stop the drive before you exit the driveway. Truths like “You can’t lose weight on vacation” or “My age groups don’t go to the gym” definitely apply – to whoever says it. The reality is that some people do lose weight when they travel, and you’ll see a lot of gray hairs at the gym. Understand that no generalization is always true – including this one.

Reason #4: Catastrophic thinking. Paralyzed by fear of what could possibly, maybe, go wrong down the road, keeps us stagnant. Rather than not dieting because you might put it back on later, or avoiding a relationship because it could end badly, guarantees a life of sadness, stagnation, and loneliness. Sure, it’s wise to be cautious, and yes, “stuff” does happen. However, avoiding the good for what might go wrong later definitely leads to badattude.

We are enrolled in Life 101, and like any student, we make mistakes. Nonetheless, our response makes all the difference between sinking in the mud of guilt and shame or having a positive, productive, joyful attitude and enjoying the life and relationships that certainly result.

Scott “Q” Marcus, RScP, is a Life Coach and Religious Studies practitioner and professional speaker and founder of the inspirational Facebook group, Intentions Affirmations Manifestations. Keep in touch by signing up for his newsletter at www.ThisTimeIMeanIt.com/signup.