Struggling with difficult conversations? Here’s how to ease the… – Women of Influence
By Amanda Hudson
I’ve worked with many women leaders while running A modern way of working In the past eight years, one thing has been very clear: we don’t love having difficult conversations. Not only would most of us do whatever it takes to avoid them, those who claim to be good at doing them generally take one “I’ll just tell it like it is” Approach that doesn’t always bring them the results they want.
It’s difficult to feel in control of your business when you’re struggling to have difficult conversations while staying productive. So if your goal is to become a more effective leader, it’s worth taking a closer look at why some discussions are so difficult and what you can do to ease the discomfort they cause.
Why do we find certain conversations so difficult?
Most difficult conversations are the result of one person wanting another person to change. Not only can such a proposal be difficult to deal with diplomatically, it almost always involves a breach of trust. This can make the stakes of getting the conversation right — and not ruining the relationship even further — seem exceptionally high.
Many of the women I work with also identify as “people sweethearts” who don’t enjoy upsetting others. Mix all of these factors together and it’s easy to see why a simple request that someone improve their performance can turn into a difficult conversation pretty quickly.
Is there a legitimate way to avoid difficult conversations?
It’s not uncommon not to bring up an issue we have with another person the first time. In fact, many of us secretly hope that ignoring a particular situation will resolve itself. However, what happens in most cases is that the problem persists while the conversation required to address it becomes increasingly difficult.
There is a legitimate “hack” that business owners and executives can use to avoid a difficult conversation that doesn’t ignore the issue. The next time you’re faced with an uncomfortable argument, try to assume that the behavior you want the other person to change is entirely your own Mistake.
As a leader, it’s easy to blame others for results we don’t like or want. By instead taking 100 percent responsibility for those outcomes, you’ll likely find that changing some of your own behaviors will bring you closer to the outcomes you want.
3 Tips for Difficult Conversations You Can’t Avoid.
If you’ve found that a particularly difficult conversation is inevitable, here are some strategies to make your conversation more rewarding.
- know your purpose. Many people start difficult conversations because they are unhappy or angry with someone and want an opportunity to vent their anger. It’s important that you only engage in a difficult conversation when you are clear about the purpose and goal.
You’ll know you’ve identified your goal when you can articulate what you want the other person to change in a single sentence. If your question is unclear, they will never be able to follow up, and your conversation will likely only increase tension or frustration.
- Focus on collecting information – not giving it. When we start a difficult conversation, it’s usually because we have a lot on our mind that we want to share. But what if you entered the conversation from a different location?
For example, you could assume the other person want Doing a good job – rather than telling them they’re not meeting your expectations – and acknowledging that they are your Roll to find what’s in their way. Then you could make it your mission to gather great information by asking open-ended questions, listening—and then listening some more.
The truth is that the better you understand the other person’s situation and perspective, the more likely you are to frame your message in a way that resonates with them.
- Drop your assumptions. Most of us are very good at telling ourselves stories about why someone behaves a certain way—especially when they do Not how we want them to behave! In fact, one of the many things we assume about other people’s distressing behavior is that it’s meant to be a personal attack.
Taking the time to identify, name, and then drop your assumptions before jumping into a difficult conversation gives you an unfiltered view of what’s really going on. This open-mindedness, in turn, helps you better by making it easier to see potential avenues to achieve the outcome you want.
There will always be situations in which a difficult conversation cannot be avoided. However, if you find yourself having the same discussion with someone over and over again, there’s a good chance you don’t real Conversation that will help solve the problem.
In any difficult conversation, the key to good communication is making sure your message is understood clearly while remaining empathetic to the recipient. To steer the ritual sharing in a more productive direction, make sure that in any difficult conversation, you are prepared to listen and equipped with open-ended questions that help the other person feel heard and appreciated.