Trouble at work with a colleague? How to defuse an argument before it escalates dangerously
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Disagreements in the workplace can arise despite everyone’s best attention.
They can also quickly escalate from a disagreement to a full-blown argument — including shouting, verbal abuse, and even demeaning language, according to careers experts and others.
To reduce the likelihood that a workplace argument doesn’t turn into a full-blown tantrum or something similar, knowing how to defuse an argument is vital to everyone’s well-being at work, as well as to one’s professional standing emotions and keep a professional composure – even if you think you are right.
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How to deal with this challenging situation in the workplace.
Know the signs that an argument is escalating
In some situations, it can only take a moment for disagreements to turn into a clamor – and the first step in that decline is when colleagues stop communicating effectively.
“A surefire sign that an argument is escalating is when people stop listening to each other,” Amy Morin, a psychotherapist in Marathon, Fla. and host of The Verywell Mind podcast, told FOX Business.
An office worker is shown listening in a cubicle room. When colleagues stop communicating effectively, a disagreement can quickly escalate into something far more serious. (iStock / iStock)
“They raise their voices and start talking about each other,” she said – noting that both combatants will likely notice their body language changing as well.
“They could stand up, point a finger, clench their fists, or take a step closer to the other person,” Morin explained.
“Most employers want employees who can handle uncomfortable emotions like fear and frustration.”
“At that point, they have no interest in hearing what the other person is saying — and they are [only] try to make their point of view heard.”
Understand how an argument at work can affect you
Losing your temper during an argument, especially at work, shows you’re having trouble managing your emotions, Morin said.
“Emotion regulation skills are critical to most aspects of any job,” Morin explained.
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“Most employers want employees who can handle uncomfortable emotions like fear and frustration so they can do their job even under stress,” she said.
If you raise your voice or say things you shouldn’t say during a disagreement, you’re showing others that you have trouble making good decisions when you’re feeling uncomfortable, she emphasized.
A group of business people during a meeting. In the workplace, it’s important to maintain a professional demeanor and control emotions, experts advise. (iStock / iStock)
“You can jeopardize your chances of getting a promotion — and you may not be viewed well if you get into heated arguments with other people at work,” Morin said.
Know that winning an argument should not be your goal
If your goal is to win the argument at all costs — including your composure, reputation and work image — tread carefully, experts warn.
“There’s always a fine line between which arguments are worth winning and which are best thrown out,” Mia Rosenberg, a New York psychotherapist, told FOX Business.
“Playing it safe and throwing an argument overboard is probably a better choice in the workplace,” she added.
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While there can be a healthy debate about conflict resolution when it comes to a specific work assignment or client-related outcome, Rosenberg says it’s always important to evaluate the impact of your attitude, both positively and negatively.
When things get hot at work, one expert recommends telling colleagues, “I’m leaving so this doesn’t escalate.” (iStock / iStock)
“There is a difference between standing [your] based on something you know is right for a client and want to make sure you’re acting ethically — as opposed to an argument unrelated to work in the workplace,” she said.
Even if you’re right about the argument, you can help yourself defuse the escalating situation by simply walking away and using a coping skill to make yourself feel less upset, she also said.
“Sometimes it can be helpful to spell out exactly how you’re going to handle the situation on your side, to set an example for the other person involved who is doing the same.”
Rosenberg recommends telling the other, “I’m going away so this doesn’t escalate.”
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She added, “Sometimes it can be helpful to spell out exactly how you’re going to handle the situation on your end, to set an example for the other person involved who is doing the same.”
“Even if winning feels better right now, it’s likely that the arguments and stress that got you winning will take away that feeling,” she added.
Knowing when to involve management
If there are ongoing disagreements that affect your ability to do your job, don’t hesitate to bring management in, Morin said.
“If you are being bullied or harassed [on the job]it’s important to talk to management about the issue,” said one expert. (iStock / iStock)
“If you’re being bullied or harassed, it’s also important to speak to management about the issue,” she added.
Other professionals advise going directly to Human Resources if an employee believes bullying or harassment is occurring.
Remember one important piece of advice about communication
To stand a better chance of ending an argument with a simmer rather than turning it into a full-blown office conflict, it’s best not to talk about the disagreement with other people, Morin recommended.
“While it can be tempting to go to your co-workers and make sure they’re on your side, it only draws them in when you talk to more people about it,” she warned.
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“Don’t make snide remarks about the other person — and avoid passive-aggressive comments,” she said.
“If someone tries to raise the issue with you and they weren’t directly involved, decline to raise the situation,” she advised.