Connectable, book review: How to fix isolation in the hybrid workplace

If you’ve endured the stress and isolation of working remotely during the COVID-19 pandemic, only to return to the office and still feel disconnected, you may not feel the need for anecdotes and statistics about how lonely other people are will.

But it’s very valuable to be reminded that you’re not the only one who has had to learn how to socialize in new ways and during a traumatic time. And if you’re a manager, you should care if your team is feeling lonely – if only because collaboration, engagement, productivity and employee loyalty are suffering.

Authors Steven Van Cohen and Ryan Jenkins report that 72% of workers around the world feel lonely at least once a month, while 94% of executives think their employees get lonelier working from home. It’s not the distance, that’s the problem Connectable is quick to point out, “Remote workers who feel connected to their work and their team will experience less loneliness than someone who works in the office, surrounded by people but not well-connected.” Being connected doesn’t mean either to be online: It’s about being “ready and willing to be connected”.

Likewise: Hybrid workers don’t want to return to the office. But soon they may have to

Workplace loneliness is about feeling like you don’t have a good connection with your colleagues, your boss, the organization you work for, or the work you do, not whether other people are in the same room. Isolation can be welcome loneliness or unwanted loneliness, depending on whether you feel you have the trust, closeness, and affection you need.

The generalizations that blame ATMs, Siri, Netflix, self-checkout at the grocery store, and YouTube instructional videos for depriving us of social connections don’t feel particularly helpful. A phrase like “The uncanny role that technology plays in the erosion of human connection” also doesn’t fit to describe “looking at your phone instead of paying attention to the TV show you’re watching with your wife.” However, the authors occasionally recall and note that loneliness in the workplace has a long history.

Similarly, pointing out the disconnect between Gen Z employees, who want frequent feedback and face-to-face conversations with their managers, and those managers who have been told that Gen Z wants everything done in instant messages, both managers and their employees help lonely employees.

Belonging requires psychological security and a sense that what you do matters. A short but very important section in Connectable points to the difference between being lonely because you’re in a new city with a different culture and just haven’t made connections, and what the authors call “differential” loneliness, where you don’t have the same opportunities, the same respect or has the same experiences as colleagues and “willed” loneliness caused by discrimination, harassment or deliberate exclusion. Oddly enough, they always seem to see social connection at work as a good thing, without mentioning how to handle unwanted advances or downright creepiness.

Connectable is an odd mix of useful insight and grizzled pop psychology. “Busyness, distraction, hostility, immaturity, ignorance, efficiency, fear, selfishness, and remote work can all contribute to the distance between people,” the authors note, and further suggest, “Too much time spent communicating over a screen…can’t die.” replacing the bonding and belonging-building effects of personal exposure”. This seems completely at odds with the clear message from employees that they expect flexible, hybrid working to be part of their future – and even with recommendations from the book itself, such as “Add your add an emoji to the next message” or “Look at the photos on your phone from a month or a year ago until you find one with a friend in it and send it to them”.

The second half of the book offers leaders tips on how to identify and change the things that are isolating people on their teams. Given how little managers are trained in actual leadership, the section on how to recognize loneliness and the techniques that help people make and keep connections is valuable.

When you see this called “The Proprietary Four-Step Framework for Less Loneliness,” you’ll be reminded that the authors run a company that partners with organizations like Salesforce and Coca-Cola to provide advice on “Worker to offer wellness. But if you can ignore the knee-jerk prejudice against technology (or understand it as a poorly worded criticism of how technology can be abused), you’ll find a number of ways to help employees and colleagues feel more connected — in the office or out the distance.

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