How to Be a More Attractive Human Being
What makes someone attractive to others? More specifically, what is the most attractive quality in another human being?
Obviously there is room for debate here, and different people will come up with different ideas. But if you had to name one quality that attracts you most in another, what would it be?
The most obvious answer that our media constantly promotes is looks: handsome men and beautiful women. It’s all physical, isn’t it? Maybe not. Wealth is also a real magnet for some. In eighteenth-century England, for example, destitute aristocrats were always in search of wealthy heiresses; and black widow spiders have always been notorious for preying on rich men.
But then again, what about status? How many want the “prince” as badly as they want the “charm”? And then some can’t resist intelligence (the Einstein factor) or charisma (the Bill Clinton factor) or creative ability (the Leonardo factor), and the list goes on.
The real magnet
There is one commonly overlooked quality that surpasses all of these in its deceptive allure: Enthusiasm! We all love enthusiasm in others, whether we know it or not, and the evidence of this is not in any academic study but in our daily experience. Which classification of people is the most enthusiastic? Children.
Children are the most enthusiastic people of all, unless they have been abused or severely emotionally damaged, and we love them for that. We are always happy when we see them playing in the garden full of fascination, building a sandcastle or splashing in the water. Many times we wish we could be kids again and reclaim their innocence, play and enthusiasm for everything!
Adults have enthusiasm and enthusiasm too, and sometimes to the point of downright geekdom. But here’s the thing: Even if the enthusiasm is for a subject that we personally find boring or tedious (let’s say stamp collecting or train watching in my case), the enthusiast lifts our spirits just by being enthusiastic about that activity. And often, if we listen carefully enough, we find that despite our reluctance, when the enthusiast talks about an enthusiasm that we don’t share, there’s a lot to learn that’s really interesting, because on some level all things are interconnected connected, and to allow the enthusiasm to focus on a subject more related to our own interests and concerns.
And that leads to something else: why we find enthusiasts and enthusiasm so attractive. Essentially, enthusiasts are invariably genuine and sincere (at least on the subject of their enthusiasm). There is no pretending, and people who have pretended enthusiasm are quickly exposed because they cannot keep it up.
When we say they are real and sincere, we get back to why we love children so much: They are real and sincere too. They have not yet learned to wear the leaden and sometimes duplicitous masks that we assume in adulthood. Children are not influenced by cynicism, coolness or chic. They love what they love and are unabashedly enthusiastic about it.
The Superpower
These are powerful reasons why enthusiasm is so strong in our lives. However, there are two even more powerful aspects. The first is the etymological derivation of the word itself. “Enthusiasm” comes from the Greek “en-theos” meaning “possessed or inspired,” or more literally, “inspired by God,” or “breathed in by God,” or “God within us.” .
In other words, to be enthusiastic is to have a divine inspiration or sanction in our lives; we touch the immortal realm, the transcendent. So we have a power not normally available to humans. It’s like having a superpower.
One might think here, sure, kids can easily have “super powers”. But the thing is, enthusiasm gives adults superpowers too. To cite just one great example from the business world, Canadian-American management guru Brian Tracy noted in his book The Psychology of Selling (1988) that 50 percent of any sale is a “passover of enthusiasm.” In other words, regardless of qualifications, knowledge, skills and experience, enthusiasm alone can lead you to sales success in any profession! That’s a pretty amazing statistic.
God filled
In Greek mythology, the gods often disguised themselves as mortals to influence events or to support their chosen minions. As gods, of course, they could take on perfect disguises and be indistinguishable from the mortals they embodied. But there was always one feature of gods or goddesses that revealed their true identity: their sparkling eyes.
In fact, isn’t that what we see in real enthusiasts and in children? Her eyes shine – twinkle – with passion and enthusiasm.
Divinity, as Hamlet observed, “shapes our goals, rough-cut them how we want.” We sometimes believe that we can escape the Divine in our lives, but no matter how badly we screw up, there is no escape. Divinity and enthusiasm go hand in hand; they are inseparable. Just as enthusiastic children don’t seem to have much of a plan for life (hit them), but their enthusiasm – that divinity in them – carries them through!
And that leads to the second major reason that enthusiasm is so strong in our lives. When the gods breathe within us, when we are like the gods for a moment and our eyes sparkle with excitement, then we are more like them – immortal; Or more accurately, we are forever young. We are literally childlike and have all the energy and exuberance that seems inexhaustible.
As we look back on our youth, we sometimes wonder with stunned amazement how we ever had so much energy, so much enthusiasm, so much seemingly endless life. When we get caught up in that excitement, we can feel the same thing again.
So if you find yourself unattractive, if you are needy, if you have no social status at all, if you are not particularly intelligent, if you lack an ounce of charisma or an iota of creative talent, then you should develop enthusiasm, perhaps you always could become a magnet for people’s attention, respect and even love. What are you passionate about? Really excited?