How to reboot men for the age of gender equality
In the first era of history, how can you be a man who believes in gender equality? “The 200,000-year period when men were the supreme dogs is really coming to an end,” wrote Hanna Rosin in The end of men. Now we need a masculinist agenda, not to fight feminism, but to help men adapt to it. Three New Books – Richard V. Reeves’ Of boys and menIjeoma Oluos Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male America and the Dutch book by Joris Luyendijk De zeven vinkjes (“The Seven Ticks”) – trace the outlines of a new masculinism.
There are now two types of men: those at the top who remain dominant and those at the bottom who fight. At the top, 426 of the Fortune 500 companies had male CEOs as of March. White males from privileged backgrounds can usually judge if a candidate is the right “fit” and possesses “quality,” by which we often mean white male traits like “experience” and “confidence.” We consider ourselves neutral, but suspect older women of representing women’s interests.
Luyendijk describes how elite spaces are designed like boardrooms for privileged white males. Our codes prevail and everyone else feels like an intruder. For example, men instinctively seek eye contact with each other to build community and check if they agree. But a woman who makes eye contact with a man in certain male-dominated spaces risks being misinterpreted.
Privileges go beyond gender. It emerges from the cocktail of gender, race and class. And as Reeves shows, unprivileged men are being overtaken by women. He notes that while the workplace favors men, school favors girls whose brains mature earlier. In the US, black women now outperform white men in education. The elite pipeline, including all Ivy League colleges, is mostly female. If employers stop punishing motherhood and social expectations change, women could come to dominate work.
As traditional male “muscle” jobs decline, more men are underemployed. The average male has always had a lower reproductive probability than the average female. “We have twice as many female ancestors as males,” Reeves writes, quoting psychologist Roy Baumeister: “Normally there is an excess of penises.” Men who live without women tend to have poorer health, employment, and social networks, Reeves notes. “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bike” was the feminist slogan, but it turns out the bike needs a fish.
So what should masculinity look like? One worrying option, presented by Oluo, is Trump’s self-pitying revenge moves against women. Amidst today’s attempts to eradicate sexism, men might sulk if certain mediocre women are given preference over better men. But then many of today’s powerful men were chosen over the better women. If you question the privilege of mediocre white men, writes Oluo, look at Trump and Joe Biden.
Ideally, the new masculinism will give up the performance expectations that weigh on men. Dominance “defines their success,” writes Oluo, who argues that black men in the US are not expected to achieve the same successes because racism has pushed them to the bottom of society. Men often derive their identity (and even their spouse) from having a good career. That’s what makes failure terrifying. Reeves wants men to copy women by spreading their identity across different spheres: You got fired, but you’re still a good grandfather.
White men from privileged backgrounds struggle to perceive discrimination because we have never suffered it, notes Luyendijk. But we need to understand how it has helped us. Sure, most successful men work hard. But doors opened for them, usually because the gatekeepers were men like them. There’s no point in beating yourself up for your privilege. Instead, use it to help marginalized people.
Meanwhile, men need help further down the line too. Reeves urges progressives to accept that gender inequality is sometimes against men. He advocates sending boys to school a year later so they don’t spend their educational careers competing against more mature girls. He urges men to enter traditionally “female” industries like nursing and teaching. And he warns progressives against stigmatizing biological male tendencies like risk-taking and lust, which are more pronounced in men on average, likely due to testosterone.
After 200,000 years of patriarchy, we will not immediately invent a society where men and women thrive together. But it can be done.
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